i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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