does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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