I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
