I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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