you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
