It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
