Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
