singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
