Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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