Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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