I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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