I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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