apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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