I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
