I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
