I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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