nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
