Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I look better un-naked...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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