tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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