I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
