Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
