I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
