Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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