I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
