i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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