part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
