so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
