did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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