You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
