areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
