This dress was meant to end up on your floor
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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