so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
