She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
