i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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