I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
