Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
