Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
