I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
