So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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