Only a mothe r could love this liver
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
