I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
