dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
