It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
