dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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