so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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