I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
