Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
