I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
