; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
