Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
