through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
