you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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