Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
