JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
