I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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