I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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